Here's the context: We didn't think Luke (second-year Peewee) was accurately placed at the end of tryouts for our current youth hockey organization. Most families engaged in this sport end up in this place sooner or later. The question is: can you do anything about it. 

Because of the lack of transparency in many of the mechanics of how this ecosystem is organized - many are not even aware of what (if anything) they can do if they believe they should seek a spot with another organization. The private messages in my Instagram inbox have picked up pace with the March-April tryout cycle ("I don't even know what to do," "Can you go somewhere else," "I guess I need to look into it," "I'm not even sure who to ask").

Transparency is not the topic of this post and I will circle back to it at a later time. Here's just our account of the steps we took and the thought process we followed - I hope this can be informative to some. 

We're in the Northeast - a relatively dense area in terms of youth hockey associations and clubs. For example, there are two clubs that are comparable in distance to our current association that can provide a similar experience and training. Increasing the radius from 10 to 25 miles, would bring in another three or four contenders. We have two children in hockey, no nannies, and while Jack has flexibility, my own flexibility is quite limited. All of this to say, we are not able to easily switch to the 25-mile-radius thinking. So, it's the three choices that are relatively equal (accounting for the financial side of things, which is not to be overlooked). 

After some consideration, we agreed to sign up for tryouts with one of the two alternatives. This is our first time trying out elsewhere, and while there have been several motivators, the strongest factor was Luke and our wish to let him step (or rather push him) outside his comfort zone and see how he measures up in a place where he'd be an unknown. A clean slate. 

Selfishly, we did this for us too. We wanted to see him in this new environment and shake off all unavoidable comparisons with kids we've seen him practice and play with for more than six years. 

We got what we wished for and having gone through the process, I would recommend it to most. A clean slate can be rejuvenating and I personally found it interesting to observe. I saw Luke in a different light. First of all, I was able to focus on Luke alone - I didn't know any of the other players so it was easy for them to fall into the background. I saw the weaknesses and I saw him leverage his strengths more. At the end of the day, he fought hard and he did well. I asked him how he felt about it after the second day, he felt good, he said. He felt like he did well. He did. 

I'll fast forward to the personal decision that Luke had to make: stay with his existing group even though he's disappointed with his placement or go to a new organization and start anew, take a chance, and see what happens. Will I enjoy it more? Will I play well with a completely new set of kids? Will I get along with them? I'm sure all of these thoughts have been going through his mind even if he doesn't verbalize many. 

Luke is a child driven by routine. Adventure does not rank very high in his value system. He seeks the comfort of the knowns and shies away from the discomfort of the unknowns or lesser-knowns. He's decided to stay with his current team. As we told him from the beginning, we'll support his decision one way or another. 

I acknowledge that my feelings are irrelevant in all of this but I'll share them here anyway. First of all, this experience opened my eyes to what it could be, a window of hope. I can live with hope; years come and years go, it's good to know that there's hope and it just became quite tangible for me.

It also made me sad because Luke didn't choose what I would have chosen and, well, what I thought would have been the best choice for all of us. Strangely, it also makes me respect him a little more for having the power of will to be so decisive and feel so sure in what he wants and at what cost. 

As a major takeaway, I would recommend seeking alternatives to anybody reading this even if you end up staying where you are: see what else is out there. Coaches and other professionals in this ecosystem like to lean on this adage "The glass is not greener on the other side" but I think that's a dangerous mindset to fall into because it leads to complacency at best and a feeling of hopelessness at worst. Seek alternatives when in doubt but try to keep a balanced mindset throughout the experience. 

If you have tryouts coming up soon, good luck to you and your family. 

- Kristina